Why it’s okay to argue

As you may know from your romantic, friend or family relationships, past or present, arguments come in different variations. “I would advise my clients to show the other person their anger,” (Please note this is different from aggression) “Arguing is healthy if you utilitse it as an ability to communicate your frustrations and needs in the relationship. Arguing does not have to be malicious or cruel — you can have conflict whilst remaining loving and compassionate to each other. Anger is a very natural emotion, and it alerts us, highlighting that something doesn't feel good for us, and that is good to let your partner, friend or family member know in a loving way.”

Recognise what is happening to you internally as well as externally.

Anger is different from aggression

Anger is a very natural emotion, and it alerts us, highlighting that something doesn't feel good for us.

conflict should not be seen as a threat—rather, it is an event that can help your relationship evolve and grow and help you get to know your partner better. You can also learn about yourself in the process.

One of the biggest mistakes that friends and couples face is arguing when emotions are too raw or if they are not open to listening to the other person’s side of an issue. Listening does not mean acceptance—listening means that you are available to understand a partner’s perspective. Therefore, it may not be the best time to have an argument as soon as an issue comes up if you know that you are not going to be your most rational self. Schedule a time when you can both focus on the issue at hand without letting emotions or other distractions get in the way.

It can be even more difficult to remember that our partners act out of vulnerability too.

be flexible during an argument. A lot of us go into conflicts or arguments with expectations about how things “should” turn out. But the exciting dynamic of communication is that our partners have the power to change our opinions or attitudes. And we should be open to change based on learning about a partner’s view of a situation. This does not mean that we should always bend to the will of another, but rather, we should be open to the possibility that changing our position is okay.

remember that we are all vulnerable. Even if a close relationship partner acts like he or she knows it all, we all question ourselves at times. We all have experiences that influence the way we approach arguments. But we should also be open to changing the way we do things. If we change ourselves, our partners will be more likely to change as well.

Jennifer Samp, Conflict Matters, Psychology Today (2018)

https://www.oprahmag.com/life/relationships-love/a28124713/relationship-fights/