Loving someone with PTSD

By Sherrine Barrowes

Loving Someone with PTSD: Understanding, Supporting, and Sustaining Your Relationship

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a serious and often misunderstood mental health condition that can develop after an individual experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. While the person directly affected by PTSD endures a unique and deeply personal struggle, the impact of the disorder often extends to those closest to them—particularly their partners.

The Ripple Effect of PTSD

PTSD symptoms—such as anxiety, depression, flashbacks, emotional numbness, irritability, and sleep disturbances—can significantly affect how a person interacts with the world and their loved ones. For partners, this can lead to feelings of confusion, helplessness, and emotional fatigue. You may want to help but feel uncertain about how to navigate the complexities of your loved one’s condition.

Living with someone who has PTSD can be challenging. The condition can influence communication patterns, emotional intimacy, and day-to-day functioning. It can also evoke emotional responses in the partner—such as grief over the changes in the relationship, fear about the future, or guilt for not being able to "fix" things.

A Guide for Partners

Despite the wealth of resources available for those experiencing PTSD first-hand, fewer tools are designed specifically for their partners. One of the most comprehensive and empathetic resources in this space is Loving Someone with PTSD by Dr. Aphrodite Matsakis, a clinical expert in trauma and the author of I Can’t Get Over It!.

Matsakis’s book offers insight into the daily realities of supporting someone with PTSD. It provides actionable strategies to strengthen the relationship, while also helping partners manage their own mental and emotional health.

Key takeaways include:

• Understanding PTSD: Recognizing symptoms and triggers is the first step in offering meaningful support. Understanding that PTSD is a medical condition—not a character flaw—can reduce judgment and increase empathy.

• Improving Communication: Matsakis emphasizes the importance of trauma-informed communication. This involves practicing active listening, using non-judgmental language, and respecting boundaries during emotional conversations.

• Setting Realistic Expectations: Recovery from PTSD is often non-linear. Partners are encouraged to be patient, set manageable goals, and resist the urge to act as a therapist.

• Prioritizing Self-Care: Supporting someone with PTSD can be emotionally demanding. Partners must learn to acknowledge their own stress, seek therapy if needed, and engage in activities that replenish their emotional energy.

  
  

PTSD is Manageable—with the Right Support

It is crucial to remember that while you play an important role in your partner's healing journey, you are not responsible for their recovery. PTSD is a manageable condition, especially when approached with a combination of professional treatment, community support, and informed caregiving.

Several reputable resources are available to deepen your understanding and guide you through this process:

• National Centre for PTSD (U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs): www.ptsd.va.gov

• Sidran Institute: www.sidran.org

• Psychology Today Therapist Directory: www.psychologytoday.com

• Books:

  • Loving Someone with PTSD by Aphrodite T. Matsakis

  • The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. – A foundational text that explains how trauma reshapes the brain and body, offering deep insight into both the causes and treatment of PTSD.

Final Thoughts

Loving someone with PTSD requires compassion, patience, and a commitment to mutual growth. By educating yourself, seeking support, and fostering open dialogue, you can help create a safe and healing environment for both you and your partner.

The journey may not always be easy, but with the right tools and understanding, it is possible to build a resilient, connected, and fulfilling relationship—one grounded not just in love, but in strength and shared healing.